Lawnmower Racing 

No Matter Where You Mow, There You Are

Seeing as how I finished my last final this very morning and am completely brain dead, I will be refraining from writing anything resembling "deep" or "intelligent" for a few hours. However, you ARE in luck, for I have just rediscovered a fantastic website devoted to a little known and unappreciated racing tradition. Before you start laughing too hard, I have to stress that this is on the level. They started in 1992 and events have even been aired on ESPN2.

I give you... Lawnmower Racing!

http://www.letsmow.com

The American tradition did start on April Fool's Day, only by a few chaps inspired by what they saw in the British Lawnmower Racing Association while visiting across the pond. For people who think Americans know how to do things bigger, better, or faster than the rest of the world, I would like to note that the BLRA sponsers a yearly 12 hour lawnmower endurance race. These blokes can log up to 300 miles averaging around 23 mph.

http://www.racemower.co.uk

Its been said before, and it will probably be said again, "I'm quirky." Yes, I know.

Scout of the Week

This is what my first truck COULD have looked like. It was my first attempt at vehicle restoration on a budget of $0.00, so it never turned out quite this good. 1977 Scout Traveler.

The Benefits of Technology: A Luddite's Perspective

Is technology worth it? Yes, we can reach vast numbers of people in little or no time, but is this inheritantly good? Personally, I think the ability is meaningless unless the content and results are also considered. In a sense, difficulties are what make us individuals. It is the trials and obstacles overcome that shape us.

H.G. Wells shows a glimpse of a future human society in "The Time Machine" that has actually started devolving because at some point science was advanced so far that it eliminated all desease, work, and pain in society. Well's Time Traveler enters a civilization that is being used as livestock by a splinter race living inside the earth. The surface dwellers live in fear of the dark, but as soon as the sun shines, they're dancing, singing, and smelling flowers. They have lost the ability to create, think, and even defend themselves because their distant ancestors eliminated all trials through scientific advancement.

Telephones have gone a long way in lessening the importance and value of people's time and relationships. Before telephones, speaking with someone five miles away took a good bit of effort. You had to set aside the time to travel and speak to a specific person. Their is meaning when someone rides a horse or walks five miles to talk to you. Today, we often don't even have to cross the house, because there are three or four phones to choose from before you even get to cell phones. Conversations do not have to be as meaningful or thought out because there is no effort involved in starting one. A thirty second call is a perfectly resonable result for the two second investment of picking up the phone and pushing a button.

Television has contributed to bringing the world together. It carries our news, our entertainment, and our education today. It has eliminated, in large part, the need for people to communicate individually. It is much more entertaining to watch a program with special effects and images that conveys the same meaning right? Well, television is also geared toward general audiences. Even more specific shows are generalized to reach the largest possible body of interested viewers. Language is altered or "dumbed down" because not every person knows what "equinox" or "obfuscate" mean. Personal, one on one, or small group gatherings, wether for entertainment, education, etc... is aimed for specific people. Thoughts, feelings, and learning are all specialized to the immediate people and their needs or desires.

There are numorous studies about the effects of television on the human mind, especially the developing minds of children. Not real good. But, here's a new one to me.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/04/22/email_destroys_iq/
This is a study on the effects of email on peoples minds and communication abilities. Similar to what I just said about telephones, the ease of email is lessening the content of communications and people are loosing their ability to judge the value of a message's content. This is short and worth the read.

Basically, when we create something to do a process for us, we have the tend to become dependant on the creation. Theoretically, we could still retain the ability as well as the labor/time saving device, but we would have to limit its use and force ourselves to use the ability with in us. Thinking, communicating, music... is not like riding a bicicle. If we don't use it, we lose it. One of the big problems is that we are simply lazy and impatient beings. If we want something done, we tend to use the way that takes the least amount of effort and time. It takes effort to work.

I'm not saying that technology is bad. I am saying that it comes with a huge price, the value of which varies individually, but society as a whole tends to become more dependent on technology
and less on themselves and relationships. Is this good, bad, or just different? Personally, I lean towards "bad," but I'm the one blogging...

Better Places

I know I said I was setting up a weekly Scout picture, but I just had to show a bonus on this opening week. As finals and the urban sprall get to me, my thoughts travel to better places. This would be a 1980 Scout Terra in the mountains somewhere.

Cell Phone Rant

Ok folks,

I generaly try to avoid rants because I can start them so easily and they tend to be purely negative, but I have to make an exception after last week.

First allow me to set the stage. Remember the days when we could go to the movies or theatre without the pleasent reminder to "please turn off all cell phones?" Well, one of the biggest differences starting back at college after my two year sabatical was the addition of "turn off cell phones" to the sylabus. Three teachers went out of their way to state how cell phones disrupting class annoyed them. How many of you psychics out there know where I'm going already?

A week ago Monday, during class, the instructor's cell phone rings. Not during her lecture... oh no. Her phone rang during a student's assigned in class presentation. The phone rang five times while the class looked around to see whose it was. Dr. Koepke finally realized it was coming from her bag and sheepishly turned it off without a word of acceptance or appology. Yes, she was one of the three who started the year specifically labeling this as a no no.

Scout of the Week

Ok fans, tonight marks a new addition to this fabulous site. I give you.... The Scout of the Week! This one appears to be about a 1977 sitting on 33" wheels (might be 35s) with about a 4" suspension lift. Its enough to make one weep for joy.

Suburbs

"I still hold. . . that the suburbs ought to be either glorified by romance and religion or else destroyed by fire from heaven, or even by firebrands from the earth." - The Coloured Lands G.K. Chesterton

Perhaps one day I shall depart the suburbs myself. Rationally, I know there is good to be found here, but I look out over Carrollton and surrounding burgs some nights and feel that I'm standing inside C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce. The houses here remain occupied but feel oddly silent and empty.

The Birds and the Bees

I can't believe it! People are actually posting on MY blog! This make me very happy.

I think everybody faces the question of how to respond to people and conversations that become overly sexually oriented. Jobs are probably the primary place for this. Afterall, friends and leisure time are relatively easy to pick and choose, coworkers... not so much. I think I've struggled with this in five out of seven actual jobs, and that might be better than the average. I started with basic attempts to ignore it, but as time went on, I was forced to be more active in discouraging fellow guys from constantly pointing out women, or other guys for that matter (Don't ask).

This was particularly bad at my Whole Foods Market job last year where I had three coworkers (guys in mid-late 20's) that I got along really well with. We could laugh and joke and still count on each other to do his share of work, but they were constantly ogling the women walking through the department and "sharing" their enjoyment with each other. I had to take a stand and say that I didn't want to be a part of that and was even able to explain why. It took them a couple weeks to see that I was serious about this but eventually stopped around me... mostly.

It never even crossed my mind how this looked to others; I was merely doing what I had to do. After about five months working there, Erica pulled me aside for a moment. (Out of about 12 people working the floor in our department, she was the only women and about my age) Her sole purpose for doing this was to say that she saw me NOT watching the women coming through our department. "All the other guys, they have kids, they married, they always watching the girls, but you don't." You could have knocked me over with a feather. She hadn't been around to hear me talking with the other guys about my values, she simply saw how I acted and respected it. She also said that my "girlfriend is very lucky." No, she wasn't hitting on me; she was engaged.

They say that prostitution is the oldest profession. It might be. It does cater to one of man's deepest desires/lacks. Man was designed to be in community with other people. "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" Gen 2:18 NASB. If man had a need for a partner BEFORE the fall, how do you think that is affected now? Everyone has a conscience that tugs towards doing the right thing, but we also have a force tugging us into relationship with each other.

Look at my previous post. Look at how I wonder about being part of a group, how I doubt if I fit, or if I'm accepted. People have an emmense desire to belong, to be in relationship, but we also have trouble believing that we CAN be in relationship. There are all kinds of relationships of varying closeness: coworkers, friends, family, and at the top, marriage. The word "marriage" is actually losing meaning; I mean by marriage "The eternal bond between a man and a woman with/under God as He originally created in Adam and Eve." Sex is a deeply meaningfull part of this uninion. It expreses and hopefully promotes vulnerability and safety. It is a giving of oneself and sharing of your togetherness. Sex is physically enjoyable, but perhaps even more so, there is the emotional connection and joy.

Sex is used as a quick fix. A person feels lonely, disconnected from the world, or even himself... BAM! You're back in the moment, FEELING in your body, FEELING in communion physically AND emotionally. We go for the quick fix almost every time. Feeling poor? Rob a bank, building a career is too time consuming and painfull. (Still socially unacceptable, but dreamed of by most.) Feeling hungry? Go for the double cheeseburger and chocolate fudge sunday, eating well takes too much time and thought. Feeling bored? Find a movie, computer, comic book... doing something with life takes too much work. Feeling lonely? Find a sexual partner, relationships are too painfull and commited.

Being sexually active in various ways has been in every civilization. The social forms it took that were acceptable have varied, but it has always been here, in secret or public. Today, there are almost no "socially acceptable laws" governing it in public, and the public sphere has grown. The speed and distances of communication would be unbelievable by people 100 years ago, but the visual media is also playing a major role. TV, photography, billboards, commercials, bus sides, magazines... images are everywhere. Pictures are controled and designed to create specific responses from "buy Coke" to"feel relaxed." Sex, what once was a way for a person to temporarily "connect" with the world and relationships, is now becoming fantasy too. The realities of the emotions and commitments are being weened out as the clothing, poses, settings... are being altered for specific feelings. Pornography is even prefered to the actual act by some people because it can be controled more precisely. Sex is spreading everywhere and is becoming about nothing.

Silence is Golden

To my dedicated readers numbering three,

I jest; I think there are actually about five of you. We'll see if that number dwindles. Sometimes, quite frequently actually, I feel like I open my mouth to express a thought and the world around me just shuts down. I beging to doubt my ability to communicate with other people. We were discussing "Noah and the Flood" last night in church. A few people started debating various scientific questions involved in the story. A question or comment was made, and instantly there were two or three people trying to respond. Great! but at a lull in the conversation I brought up some ideas about the freedom and responsabilty in this world shown by God in his covenant with Noah. There was no immediate reaction, so I kept talking for another minute and finally shut up. It was like Daffy Duck standing on stage in an old Warner Bros. cartoon... dead silence except for the lonely cricket. Finally baby Lila (age 2) spoke up and saved the situation... This is not an uncommen situation. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I stall conversation like that.

Who has time for "pastoral themes?"

I just spent a sickening hour or so today. Three fellow students (all 21 from the DFW area) and yours truly gathered together to discuss several questions put to us about the readings in a lit class. Simple enough right? Compare notes, possible witty dialogue, a little BS, maybe even get to some meaningfull thoughts. What was I thinking?

The conversation started on a sexual note and never left. Between the two women and one guy, it appears that guys purely want sex whenever, with whomever, however and this is acceptable and even good. It also seems that the only difference for the women is that there is more freedom in their homosexual relations because, "chicks with chicks is hot." I feel bad enough saying this much and won't go any further. I litteraly feel sick thinking back about this time.

Is this the norm for people around my age? I don't know. I tried to change to more interesting, or at least moral, topics. I tried asking questions to find out who these people are. Nothing worked; conversation died untill someone brought it back around to a sexual idea. I've never felt like more of a conservative old stick in the mud. I'm just so blown away I don't know what to say.

I have always seemingly gotten along better with people older than me. The people my age or younger that I enjoy spending time with and have made friendships with all tend to be mature for their ages. I don't try to do this. I suppose it works out this way because we have more commonalities from which to relate. Then something happens like today, and I'm completely broad sided, wondering "how do I fit?" I have friends and a community that I belong in and work well with. So far so good (great actually), but how does one go about relating to the world or at least situations and people like this?

It finally came to me just where I was going with this. I feel so strongly about supporting and creating what I believe to be true relevant relationships that I have no patience for people who promote the misuse of something so sacred to a relationship as the sexual union between hysband and wife. I was also faced today with a group of people held so deeply in lies that they believe that men and women's identities revolve around their sexuality. How does one lovingly stand up to such outright wrong?

Courage

"Alone of all creeds, Christianity has added courage to the virtues of the Creator. For the only courage worth calling courage must necessarily mean that the soul passes a breaking point and does not break." Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton

Welcome Home

What is a home? Home is one of the simplisticly complex ideas that can plague the mind. We know what it is in our heart, but how does one describe it? Home is somewhere between "where one is" and "who one is."

A house is usually the part of a home that comes first to mind. The house is the physical embodyment of home. It provides shelter to our bodies, and a place to store our physical possesions. The house is what keeps us warm. It has our favorite chair, TV, and frontdoor where we greet the pizza delivery guy. Friends enter it; solicitors knock upon it, governments tax it, HGTV tells us how to accesorize it. That's an interesting idea... Just why do we spend so much time painting and searching for the perfect furniture?

We are trying to create something more in our house than just a physical space. We attempt to link our houses to something inside of us. We talk about "the mood" or "the feeling" of a space: warm, comfy, elegant, inviting, austere, open. We create rooms that not only provide for our physical comforts, but also provide for the comforts of the "soul" for lack of a better word.

We are physical AND spiritual beings. To ignore either side is to starve ourselves. The spiritual has the benefit of being longer lasting however. Houses are broken into, televisions stolen. Locks rust, and draperies are eaten by moths. (Five points, if this sounds familiar). Home is more than all this. Home is where our spirits reside, where our dreams are, where our care and love is stored. How many of you have ever been invited by someone into their life and marveled at just how "rich" they were despite having nothing in their house? Give thanks, for you have been blessed with the experience of a true home. This is what is created when one truly "stores up their riches in Heaven." We're not talking about an inaccesible 401k that we begin to draw from once we die. We are God's path to the world. By storing treasures in our "homes" we can invite people in for a taste of the warmth and comfort that God offers...today! The more we store there, the more we can give. Unlike the physical world, the more we give of this home, the more there is TO give.

Like I said earlier, we are physical AND spiritual beings. Our bodies need to be cared for. Creating and opening up a physical house as part of your home is a wonderful thing. We are only in trouble once the house becomes all there is to your home. Go ahead, love your house, accesorize it, make it an inviting place that allows you to love and give God's grace more freely, but always remember that your home is where your true gifts to give reside. It can never be lost to disaster or moving. Making the house the home is like serving the can and throwing away the Cambell's Cream of Chicken.

Rebirth of Hope

Angela and I spent a wonderful hour or so this evening sipping our $2.00 (avg price) Starbucks drinks while looking out across a Wal-Mart Supercenter parking lot and miles of smog enshrouded housing developments disapearing off into the sunset for as far as the eye could see. Ok, the setting may leave something to be desired, but the company and conversation were not to be matched. The contrast between our time together and the location did make me realize (again) that the world we were watching is not the world I want to be a part of. Neither really are the twenty story office buildings and shopping districts towards down town. I'm speaking of something deeper than just city life, suburban life, or country life; I'm speaking of life priorities.

My cynicism may not be crumbling yet, but it is under severe attack. I do hope. I do dream. I do believe. Never have I felt more strongly that God has a plan for me. I also believe that nothing in this world will bring me more joy than living this plan. God doesn't use the three dozen standardized degrees and their two hundred slight variations that colleges offer today. His every plan is custom made, designed unique to you.

School feels so backwards to me. I feel presured to become an "Accountant," a "2nd Grade Teacher," or a "Graphic Artist." Education, to me, feels like being molded to fit a label we call a career. Real education is supposed to be about enlightenment, learning to think, learning to ask questions and to seek answers. God's education might very well include a college degree, but then again it might not. There is nothing wrong in (gasp) other paths.

The bottom line is, "What is your goal in life?" If its to retire at 65, play golf, travel a bit, and pursue hobbies, a college degree and decent salary for 40 years is probably for you. Call me crazy, but this just does not sound like life. Life, to me, is living in dependence on God, financially, occupation wise, lifestyle wise... on and on. I doubt I'll ever be ritch, probably not even comfortably well off by American standards, but I will have so much more. I can't stop thinking "Choose whom this day you will serve." Truly serving God does not look like anything we call safe or normal. Paul followed God, I believe that Mother Teresa and the Schaeffers did too.

I think perhaps, we as American's are trying to make a new Heaven on earth. We work for 65 years, "pay our dues to society," and then get 20ish years of "Heaven" to enjoy. We even create miniature gated mansions with faux streets of gold in Florida called retirement communities where we play shuffleboard and watch the afternoon rain storm sweep through.

We start with the "education" years, then there are the "work" years, finally there are the "retirement" years. We are segregating society by work. "Work" now means "To make money." How wrong is this? I think "work" is supposed to mean "to be God's hands in His world." This is not limited by age; It doesn't start at 18 or 23 and doesn't end at 65, it is part of the identity we are born with. The big question is "How do I 'work' and still make money to support myself, and maybe a family?" I don't know, and I don't think that I NEED to know. Paul, Mother Teresa, and the Schaeffers didn't ask this question as far as I know. They did God's work, trusted in Him as the Supreme Employer to supply a paycheck, and like the "...lillies of the field and the birds of the air...," God provided.

Can one TRULY live on faith in our modern materialistic world?!?
I'm beginning to believe...

Death of Dreams

How many of you dream? I don't mean running through endlessly recuring hallways like Scooby Doo or fify-foot banana splits. I mean dreams about life and your goals in it.

It usually starts at a very young age, wanting to be a fireman or a cowboy. As your perception and knowledge of the world and yourself grows, so do these dreams. Some people still want to be firemen, for which I am very greatfull. However, many people around my age are loosing their desire and hope for their dreams. (Maybe this is true of most generations. I'd love input from people on this.) I lost my barely formed dreams in the trap of cynicism. I'd seen the shows with men in mid life crisis. I'd read books with successful 70 year old men filled with extreme bitterness because of how life was ending for them. I'd also seen the films and read the stories with all the upcoming young people with bright eyes ready to take on the world. But, I was wiser than these characters because I knew how life would be in another 40 years.

I don't know where this cynicism that is so prevalent in my generation came from, but I have my guesses. The 60's and 70's saw American culture swing towards an optimistic world of peace, freedom, and happyness. By the end of the 70's, this culture crashed and burned in the realities of psychedelic drugs, STDs, and the truth that "mother earth" wasn't so mothering after all. I think its quite possible that America is now struggling with the tremendous cultural let down of those years and hopes. Add in the Korean, Vietnam, and Cold wars, the government scandals... (What about the Great Depression of the 30's?) I'm fascninated with these ideas, but I digress.

My point is that we are growing up in a highly cynical society. We don't trust anything or believe in anything because we are "too wise" to be taken in again. We laugh and scoff at everything. Don't believe me? Look at the popularity of Seinfeld and the Simpsons. Hope is shown to be hollow and then laughed at.

And our hearts' desires? Generally stuffed down before they can become full fledged dreams, fair game for society and peer groups to squash with "knowledge" and "reality." Yes, I realize that this is a very cynical view of culture in itself. I'm writing an extreme here, but I do think that the personal hope and dreams that can drive us on as children are called "childish" by society and our peers. We learn to replace them with ready made "Life Paths for Success," generally starting with your choice of 4-6 year stock college degrees, passing through two cars and a 2500 sq/ft house, and ending with retirement at 65ish.

The Blessings of Friends

I forget just which wise sage is given credit for saying "If you want to count your true worth, count your friends." Let it be known that credit is due elsewhere. Personally, I feel like the richest man in the world.

I have two of the best parents to ever attempt raising a son. Let's just say that a son going through his early twenties and trying to start his own life is not the easiest person to stay connected with. Despite the desires and stresses of seperating and "getting off on one's one" that I have put them through, they have stayed true and still found ways to show their constant love and support.

My sister, Heather, also deserves special notice. I doubt a brother could be loved more by a sister. Even though I'm going through hard life issues and am not willing or able to reach out and speak with her frequently, she still comes through with the much needed pick-me-up note or in the case of this last Monday, an hour and half phone call on her dime.

Then there are Paul, Julie, Barbara, and Angela, the Healing Rooms gang. I came back from our regular Wednsday evening meeting a couple of hours ago. I just have to say, if anyone is near Dallas and needing help or support, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, give them a call. These people are awesome! It is impossible to remain kicked, downtrodden, and miserable. These things can be overcome, and these are the people to help.

Special thanks also to my long time friend Marcy. Marcy's known me longer than anyone but my family and will not let me get away with ANYTHING ("so long as I don't tell her to stop"). Her first email in reply to my blog contained a paragraph upbrading me for the choice of the phrase "personal failings" in my Hurt, Time, and Grace post. In her own words,
"First, I think that is an extremely well put, very clear expression . . . but second, it is an expression of what I would term a challenge, not a failing. . . . and that points out another of your "challenges" : judgement. ...you are awfully hard on yourself a lot of the time."
Yes folks, I have a tendency to put myself down, and Marcy won't stand for it one second. (Actually, I know a couple of you who won't allow this.) I have to that Marcy is also very mindfull of people's fealings, which is probably why I recieved this as a private email and not a public post on my blog.

Friends, there are many more of you whom I have not addressed directly here. You are each valued and our experiences cherished. When I stop to think about all of you and what I have, I find it incredible that I could possibly have been feeling so down. I am so amazingly blessed.
Thank you

Near L'Abri Switzerland.
Looking at these pictures, I can't believe that I ever left. This is not a doctored photo; it really looks like this. I yearn so much to have a life just beyond the big city bustle and with mountain views and paths to walk. However, I know my true desires are to maintain a community similar to the one I experienced here. The location would only be the icing on the cake.

Hurt, Time, and Grace

A starting note: I am not trying to minimize or belittle the intense emotions that hurt and pain can be, nor am I trying to belittle the causes of such hurt. I am merely trying to talk about the tendancy (which I have in abundance) to internalize that hurt into pieces of our identities. Some people face and deal with pain (Kudos!), some merely accept...

Somedays (or weeks, or months...) everything seems to be going so wrong. You're feeling hurt, stepped on, trampled even, and then it happens, that little ray of light that shows you just how narrow your view of your current situation has been. This is not neccessarily a pleasent experience. It can be hard to accept the pain and suffering that you're experiencing, but once you do, its stuck to you like toilet paper to the bottom of a damp shoe. There is a fine line between experiencing and coping with pain and accepting it as part of your identity, a line that I am not experienced at differentiating.

I know this is one of my personal failings. When I'm hurt, the hurt often becomes part of me. Curran is not just a man experiencing hurt; he has, in fact, become the Hurt Man. Let's quickly review the downside to this shall we?
1) This makes me very sensitive about recieving hurt.
2) By becoming my hurt, the world suddenly turns into this massive entity that is "out to get me."
3) I won't even try to go into what this does to friends, family, and aquaintances. I am truly sorry for the pain that my selfishness causes you.
4) Moving beyond the hurt is now a much harder process because I am quite litteraly giving up myself. True, not a part that I want or even one that has been around for a while, but it is still a giving up of my identity.

This giving up of one's hurt identity is such a crucial piece of being a Christian too. This is just a slight variant on the "death of the oldself" while the new self is freed. God did not create us as sinfull creatures; repenting and giving up our sin is required in order to live the life He has designed. Likewise, God did not create us as hurt creatures; letting go of our hurt is also needed to truly live the life He has planned. Sin and hurt do not have a place in the people that God has designed, but they do have a place in free will and a fallen world.

Sadly, I don't always stand so strong. It hurts to admit it. I'm supposed to be better than this. I'm not this petty and selfish. But then again... I am... now. The beauty of God's grace is that He lets "now" become "then (past tense)." He doesn't give a free ride however, for "tomorrow" is becoming "now."

Lost in the Cosmos

For no connected reason that I can think of, I have decided to post my ramblings in a public domain. I have not informed anyone, nor have I thought through the consequences of this action.

I am naturally an introvert and am becoming tired of it. I have thoughts and ideas like everyone else, however I don't necessarily shine in group settings... but, I can and do write. This is the beginning of my trial of public writings and musings. Perhaps more than anything else, I have simply grown tired of trying to connect my seemingly random MS Word documents into something that resembles a holistic or concise collection of thoughts (I would be pleased with either), and this may provide the insentive to do so.