The Birds and the Bees

I can't believe it! People are actually posting on MY blog! This make me very happy.

I think everybody faces the question of how to respond to people and conversations that become overly sexually oriented. Jobs are probably the primary place for this. Afterall, friends and leisure time are relatively easy to pick and choose, coworkers... not so much. I think I've struggled with this in five out of seven actual jobs, and that might be better than the average. I started with basic attempts to ignore it, but as time went on, I was forced to be more active in discouraging fellow guys from constantly pointing out women, or other guys for that matter (Don't ask).

This was particularly bad at my Whole Foods Market job last year where I had three coworkers (guys in mid-late 20's) that I got along really well with. We could laugh and joke and still count on each other to do his share of work, but they were constantly ogling the women walking through the department and "sharing" their enjoyment with each other. I had to take a stand and say that I didn't want to be a part of that and was even able to explain why. It took them a couple weeks to see that I was serious about this but eventually stopped around me... mostly.

It never even crossed my mind how this looked to others; I was merely doing what I had to do. After about five months working there, Erica pulled me aside for a moment. (Out of about 12 people working the floor in our department, she was the only women and about my age) Her sole purpose for doing this was to say that she saw me NOT watching the women coming through our department. "All the other guys, they have kids, they married, they always watching the girls, but you don't." You could have knocked me over with a feather. She hadn't been around to hear me talking with the other guys about my values, she simply saw how I acted and respected it. She also said that my "girlfriend is very lucky." No, she wasn't hitting on me; she was engaged.

They say that prostitution is the oldest profession. It might be. It does cater to one of man's deepest desires/lacks. Man was designed to be in community with other people. "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" Gen 2:18 NASB. If man had a need for a partner BEFORE the fall, how do you think that is affected now? Everyone has a conscience that tugs towards doing the right thing, but we also have a force tugging us into relationship with each other.

Look at my previous post. Look at how I wonder about being part of a group, how I doubt if I fit, or if I'm accepted. People have an emmense desire to belong, to be in relationship, but we also have trouble believing that we CAN be in relationship. There are all kinds of relationships of varying closeness: coworkers, friends, family, and at the top, marriage. The word "marriage" is actually losing meaning; I mean by marriage "The eternal bond between a man and a woman with/under God as He originally created in Adam and Eve." Sex is a deeply meaningfull part of this uninion. It expreses and hopefully promotes vulnerability and safety. It is a giving of oneself and sharing of your togetherness. Sex is physically enjoyable, but perhaps even more so, there is the emotional connection and joy.

Sex is used as a quick fix. A person feels lonely, disconnected from the world, or even himself... BAM! You're back in the moment, FEELING in your body, FEELING in communion physically AND emotionally. We go for the quick fix almost every time. Feeling poor? Rob a bank, building a career is too time consuming and painfull. (Still socially unacceptable, but dreamed of by most.) Feeling hungry? Go for the double cheeseburger and chocolate fudge sunday, eating well takes too much time and thought. Feeling bored? Find a movie, computer, comic book... doing something with life takes too much work. Feeling lonely? Find a sexual partner, relationships are too painfull and commited.

Being sexually active in various ways has been in every civilization. The social forms it took that were acceptable have varied, but it has always been here, in secret or public. Today, there are almost no "socially acceptable laws" governing it in public, and the public sphere has grown. The speed and distances of communication would be unbelievable by people 100 years ago, but the visual media is also playing a major role. TV, photography, billboards, commercials, bus sides, magazines... images are everywhere. Pictures are controled and designed to create specific responses from "buy Coke" to"feel relaxed." Sex, what once was a way for a person to temporarily "connect" with the world and relationships, is now becoming fantasy too. The realities of the emotions and commitments are being weened out as the clothing, poses, settings... are being altered for specific feelings. Pornography is even prefered to the actual act by some people because it can be controled more precisely. Sex is spreading everywhere and is becoming about nothing.