Who has time for "pastoral themes?"
I just spent a sickening hour or so today. Three fellow students (all 21 from the DFW area) and yours truly gathered together to discuss several questions put to us about the readings in a lit class. Simple enough right? Compare notes, possible witty dialogue, a little BS, maybe even get to some meaningfull thoughts. What was I thinking?
The conversation started on a sexual note and never left. Between the two women and one guy, it appears that guys purely want sex whenever, with whomever, however and this is acceptable and even good. It also seems that the only difference for the women is that there is more freedom in their homosexual relations because, "chicks with chicks is hot." I feel bad enough saying this much and won't go any further. I litteraly feel sick thinking back about this time.
Is this the norm for people around my age? I don't know. I tried to change to more interesting, or at least moral, topics. I tried asking questions to find out who these people are. Nothing worked; conversation died untill someone brought it back around to a sexual idea. I've never felt like more of a conservative old stick in the mud. I'm just so blown away I don't know what to say.
I have always seemingly gotten along better with people older than me. The people my age or younger that I enjoy spending time with and have made friendships with all tend to be mature for their ages. I don't try to do this. I suppose it works out this way because we have more commonalities from which to relate. Then something happens like today, and I'm completely broad sided, wondering "how do I fit?" I have friends and a community that I belong in and work well with. So far so good (great actually), but how does one go about relating to the world or at least situations and people like this?
It finally came to me just where I was going with this. I feel so strongly about supporting and creating what I believe to be true relevant relationships that I have no patience for people who promote the misuse of something so sacred to a relationship as the sexual union between hysband and wife. I was also faced today with a group of people held so deeply in lies that they believe that men and women's identities revolve around their sexuality. How does one lovingly stand up to such outright wrong?
posted by Curran | 6:32 PM
6 Comments:
So... we have little touch with who we are, and are desperately trying to bring our "self" back into the world through various ways. Sex being one of the most prefered or prevalent today? Sounds similar to a book I read once...
I do hate stereotyping. I know that as a white guy, I miss out on a lot of problems due to sexism or racism, but the single biggest thing I get hit with is the idea that guys are mindless beasts constantly on the prowel for sex. I hate this! I'm sitting at a table trying to make arguements to the contrary, while the other guy is only too happy to back up these "sex myths." Of course, the women are seeing their beliefs fullfilled in him, and enjoy following his lead into sexual accounts and jokes.
I could either walk away, or shout out "Help, help! I'm bein' repressed!" Ok, I did try to stand up for my views, but there was no way what I said would be taken as anything but denial on my part.
That is a tough one. I also hate it when human beings are seen only as animals in our sexual nature. Sexuality is a part of our nature but it isn't all we are. To your question, I often have difficulty figuring out how to speak the truth in love. It sound like at the deepest level these folks are hurting and more then anything need to experience grace.
I've never been able to figure out very well what to do in these situations. Like angelam, I tend to walk away and not pursue relationships with people caught up in stereotypical role-playing; I'm planning on changing apartments in part because of my roomates. So much better would be to know what to say to break people out of their mindset--if only "I'm being repressed" worked! I've tried before to radicalize people using questions--Why do you think that? What about this?--but I'm not skilled at making my point that way.
i think in conversations like that, the best thing to do is to redeem the conversation. i couldn't tell you how without being in the conversation, but if you can get someone to think more deeply, or at least differently, about what they're thinking or saying, then you can get the ball rolling. or you can just tell them exactly how big of a prude you are, and watch their jaws drop the floor.
imagine the looks on people's faces when i told them that i never had sex with anyone until i got married, or that no, i've never owned a dildo, probably couldn't ID one if you showed it to me, and never thought that was something i ever needed or wanted in my bedroom drawer. that's when the why's start coming, and that's when the conversation gets good.
I completely agree with that idea of "redeaming the conversation." I actually had a couple conversations work out that way at my Whole Foods Market job (without the dildo remarks). I was actually able to talk about my values and reasonings which was an incredible experience. This last group from campus was having none of it. Sadly, sometimes you just have to walk away...
Interesting to note that this post garnered more comments than any other. Does that tell you something?
Hold to your principles and realize that sometimes you do have to walk away and pray that your example will have a positive effect.
Post a Comment
<< Home