Now What?

I've been sitting and staring at this blank screen for about 45 minutes now. I desire to write, and occasional thoughts and sentences flit across my mind, but I can't get them to go anywhere just yet. I am filled with emotions, some quite passionate, and I am having a great deal of difficulty in expressing any of it.

I look back on my life and see several points of dramtatic transition and growth in myself. They are the memorable times that seem to be the key moments that made me who I am and stand as sentinels as to my identity as Curran and as a child of God. That being said, they were also the hardest times of my life to live through, and I feel like I'm in the middle of another such time.

Pride crashes with Humility
Personal Responsability meets Utter Dependance on God
Money faces off Mission
Wants against Needs
Now vs. In Its Appropriate Time
Truth fights Beloved False Views
Strength battles Weakness
Loving and Despising

This is only a partial list, but I think it gets the point across. I doubt I'm saying anything new; you have been here, and quite possibly harder than I have. I feel like I'm being ripped apart at the seems while simultaneously being ground between two boulders. Yet, somehow in the midst of this, life continues. Love still needs to be expressed, blessings given, communities built and supported.

The closer I try to follow Christ, the more frequently these times of upheaval seem to occur. However, my hope and knowledge of what will come out of these times and my faith in God's support during these times is also growing. One day I might even be able to thank God for these times of growth, butI am not honestly there yet. The knowledge of purpose and success are still not strong enough within me to counter the pain of the moment.

I wrote "The Hobbit Within" almost two years ago towards the end of one of these "growing cycles." It seemed so appropriate then, but gains in meaning for me with each passing year. My appologies to any Tolkein fans I might upset.